How many pulses until we die

How many pulses do we have until we die? This question has haunted people since people were first invented. Everyone wonders but no one really knows. This question is really what all religion is based off. People don't want to accept their own mortality, and this is the fundamental problem in human beings. Our days can be filled to the brink, and yet some how, its not enough. There needs to be something more, something where when our pulse is gone we will still be remembered, this phenomena is art has put by Dr. Sexson. So if this is art, then is art natural, or just another part of the human experience? This question can only really be answered by looking at different forms of art but since this is a literature class I will explore this question through the different text.

It really seems that everything that we have read has had to do with either sex or violence. The brothers Karamazov is a story that is entirely driven by this. The story of the brothers Karamazov to where i have read seems to be entirely driven by sex. Fydor really starts the story out by having and then dumping the boys so he can chase other women but then it just continues through the entire rest of the story. This in part shows that art is not necessarily a human thing. All animal are alive to reproduce and it seems that this is one of the primary topics that literature explores. We can even look at a story that has nothing to do with sex and the sexual undertones are still hidden in its words. In the cathedral which seems as though it has nothing to do with sex there is a reason that the ignorant man allows the blind man into his house. It boils down to he wanted to reproduce, and there would be a high chance of upsetting his sexual partner if he wouldn't put up with her friend. It seems that the conflict in most stories is based around this theme some how. In saying this is seems to me that art is more of a natural thing that can be manipulated.

Through this manipulation we can be remembered forever. Not because we invented something new but rather took something that is ancient and recreated it into a modern form. Some of these artist will be remembered, there pulses will continue for years to come. While others who could never really make a name for them selves will just die out. What is really interesting to think about is whether the successful artist ideas are just borrowed from a greater universal pulse. Its weird to think of literature as being one collective work that is borrowed and transformed from one author to another. This is why there are archetypes. This is why Demitri is just another form of Don Quoti and yet none of these authors have never met one another. An interesting question to ponder is if there is a greater force, something that can't be explained, a phenomenon that defines the human experience, yet is not human at all.

Shutter Island

On Saturday I went to see the movie shutter island. While watching the movie I had a sudden epiphany and realized that this movie was just another story in the great soup of stories. What really made me realize this was a scene when the main character was hallucinating about talking to an army commander. They were talking about how both of them were men of violence, then the captain said a very interesting thing. He said I've known you for centuries. Then he went on to say that god loves violence and tried to swoo the main character to his point of view. This made me understand that we was not a ranking officer in the united states military but instead, Arnold Friend in one of the infaninate forms that we will turn himself into. This figure was not a character in a movie but he was instead an imaginary being that haunts us all. A figure with supernatural powers that are used to seduce and enthrall all of us. Some may say that he's a form of the devil but really all that he is, is the devil... and all that. From this initial starting point my brain began to whiz.
The movie was a copy of something that I had seen before. It was about someone thinking that they were a justifiable human being and in the end they were really the one that was crazy. This like many of the stories that we read in class the easiest one that comes to mind is a good man is hard to find. Throughout the entire story it seem as though the grandma is in the right and the bmisfit is in the wrong but really its more complex than that. The grandma was not a respecitble person and it can be argued that she deserved what she got. It is often found that the "hero" of the stoy can really be the villian and this was the case of shutter island. The real reasont that im writing about this topic is because its amazing to me how when a concetion is made once, it begins to be obvious in everything. I just started thinking about how much my view of the world is going to change after I take this class, and will it ever really be possible to get my old world view back?

I'm really interested in what has changed so that our society has become so obsessed with protect our young from the evils in the world.  Yeah i agree that its important not o show a baby a violent sex tape, but I'm talking more about the censoring of our children's stories. As I was reading through some other blogs i kept on reading that the Grim version of Little Red Riding Hood is crude and violent, which granted it is, but this got me thinking that I have never heard this version of the story before I before i entered this class. Although Riding Hood gets into bed with her grandma, and a wolf is killed with an axe, is this too much for a young brain to handle. This train of thought also led me to thinking about Snow White and how Dr. Sexton said that it was one of the greatest films of all time. Why would disney quit not try to create another masterpiece? Economics, people didn't like Snow White because it scared their kids, but isn't that what in part a story is? Haven't we been learning that there is no story without conflict? This is why I have become so confused with where the world is going. If we become to correct to have a grandma jumping out of a wolf or a scary dragon in a movie, won't all of the stories just disappear? 

Love is a theme that is commonly explored in literature. whether it be the heartless romantic trying to find his lover or the crushing of a damsel's heart, it seems like most stories are based on love in one way or another. I can't stop thinking of this topic myself and that is why I'm writing about it. I mean its infatuating, when there is a connection between two people it really messes both of them up and i think that is what authors are trying to convey. It is the oldest theme in literary history and they write about it for the same reason that i am writing about it now. It is what is stuck on my mind. Tomorrow is Valentine's day and that is an amazing phenomenon. It is a holiday that is completely dedicated to love and everything that has to do with it. Love is just something that infest everyone and there is no way away form it. The real question is, what is love? Is it just a figment of our imagination, an evolutionary pattern to advance the human species, or a deeper connection between to people. Something that is more then what is experienced on a day to day basis. I will never personally know, and this is why I would even care enough to write a blog about this subject.

Absurd is the Word

I'm interested in why so many characters are so absurd in stories. I was thinking about it because Fydor Karamazov is so ridiculous to the elder while in council with him. It seems like he wants to offend him, but really Fydor always goes back and says that he just wants to make a fool of himself. My question is, is this a literary device to move the story along or is it just the way people actually are? I soon began to think about it in the terms of the literary soup that is trying to be cooked in our heads and i kind of came to realize that it seems like there is always an absurd person some where in every story. This person is normally extremely smart but so quirky that it is extremely hard for their gunnies to be noticed. Upon analyzing this further I have decided that this is how people are. the most interesting fun people that i have ever met are quirky. They try to make it so they're days are filled with more then just one monotonous moment after another and its takes a smart person to realize this. That is why there is always an absurd to character, to keep the reader involved. The thing is that being absurd in the real world is something I am attracted to but why is that these types of people are often frowned upon in daily life?

It's really hard to wade through all of the thoughts that i have to get to my earliest memory. I mean it's not something that I think about much but the clearest one I can think of was getting lost in a QFC (grocey store) with my grandma in Seattle. I was walking with here and she just disappeared, I seriously remember thinking that I was abandonded and began to cry. A clerk found me throwing my tauntrum in the middle of the esile got on the loud speaker and my grandma immideatly found me. After ward I was bought an inflatable ball. I'm not sure if i rember the feeling of abondment or the ball.
The other reason that this particular memory may stick out in my head is because I'm reading the Brothers Karamotsov and i think that may have forced me into a certain way of thinking. Each of the brothers were abonded and I could only really think of an abandment story so I'm pretty sure that tthis auther is coaxing me to thinking a certain way.

Feb 2

February 2nd, although my day was not quite as interesting as ground hogs day or James Joyces's day of Ulysses, it was not completely uneventful. 4:40 am was the beginning and for some reason it has really bothered me all day. I woke up with pretty terrible nightmare at exactly 4:40 am which is odd because it is not very often that i have nightmares. The weirdest part about it was that we had been asked to try and remember a dream which is normally quite a difficult task for, and for some reason this night I had one of the most vivid easily rememberable dreams of my life. My dream essentially was me getting a girl pregnant and the feeling of the loss of my freedom. The most miraculous part was looking into the mirror, and seeing myself. I may never forget the face i was making in that mirror and if i ever make it again i fear that it will be the end of all of my passion for life. Anyways enough of my dream, I have much more day and not the time or energy to think and reflect on it.

 I didn't really end up getting up until 8:04 I remember this because it was one minute before my alarm was suppose to go off. Immediately after getting up i walked to the bathroom relised myself and then took a shower. I showered right next to a kid on my floor named Max and it was kind of interesting because he kept on moving the shower curtains and then made weird noises. After my shower i went back to my room got dressed, and realized I really needed to do some laundry. I was in a real moral dilemma, really all of my close were dirty except the one stupid shirt that i really hate. The question was should i wear dirty close and take the risk of being smelly al day or wear the shirt I hate. I figured that I was going to go skiing anyways so i just decided to go with the dirty clothes. When the clothing situation was resolved, i had some big task ahead of me; going to breakfast, and brushing my teeth. My teeth were the first of these thing to get completed, because it doesn't make much since for one to walk to the swag, eat, and then walk all the way back just to clean the molars. So the brushing of the teeth maybe wasn't actually that big of a deal, but the was no cap on my tooth paste from the night before so my tooth paste was a little bit crusty. Also while i was brushing my teeth i heard my first reference to ground hogs day for the day, on the radio i think kglt it was announced that the ground hog saw its shadow and there would be six more week of winter. I thought to myself "it happens". I was finally ready to make my way to breakfast.

On my way out of my building i got mildly distracted, even though i was leaving my room at 8:32 which is extremely late because i have to eat and my class is at nine. ( It's hard to have a nie conversation and eat a healthy breakfast in 15 minutes.) I was distracted because I had to print of a pre lab for the chemistry lab that i had to go to at 9, also there was no one in the elevator when i rode it this morning just a stupid thing about how much some id loves smoking. Anyways when I was printing off my lab i began to talk to Gail the really nice front desk lady we talked about how its stupid that people get annoyed when you accidently ask them if they ski when really they snowboard. My paper got finished printing just in the knick of time really by now it was 8.39, and i was really getting far behind on my eating schedule. I walked to the swag and there a whole new aspect of my day awaited. 

Walking to the swag was extremely uneventful maybe even monotonous, but when i got there the options just began to fly at me. Firstly i used my hand scan to get in which isn't really new because i do that everyday but right when I walked into the threshold i immediately had to make the decision on what should i eat this morning. I had been craving one of Kathy's omelets all day but when i realized it was a chile omelet I decided against it. I figured the consequences of a chile omelet would be considerably greater then the rewards. When I went across the way and saw what they were serving on the other side which was french toast sticks and sausage  figured that would also not sit in my stomach very well. In the end i figured cereal would be my best bet. I got fruit loops with skim milk accompanied by a cup of water and cranberry juice on the side. After I got all of my food i sat down alone were I ate and half expectedly waited for someone to come and sit with me. I got my wish, my friend's Harry, Alex, and Isaac all joined my conversation and we had a nice breakfast chat. They were going to go skiing so we talked about maybe meeting up, there were other conversation but really it is probably so cliche that i won't even mention what was said in my blog. After I was done eating I looked at my phone and saw that it was 8:51 and that i was really going to have to hurry to get to my lab, so i immediately stood up cleared my tray and left the dining hall with out anything really to note. 

I left the dorm area and started walking to class it was a little cold outside, and I got off the a snow trail to let someone pass but thats all that really happened on the walk. I got into my lab an the first thing i was greeted with was "what's your names again?", my TA had to make sure that i was given the partition points for come to lab. As soon as she said this i realized that i forgot my lab glasses so I snuck over to her desk and snagged a pair so that I wouldn't have to be sent home, then i took my spot. The lab was decently explained to us we took a quiz (which I missed number 2 on) and then i began to do my work. This wasn't that bad because I have two reasonably smart lab partners so we were able to do the entire thing pretty fast. Th point of the lab was to measure the freezing temp of p-xylene solute with different solvents in it such as ethanol toluene and three unknown (by the way I didn't look at my lab notes for the information). We did the work pretty smoothly mostly i just walked around, picked up stuff and measured it. We did our work nothing went wrong until the last experiment with the p-xylene and the ethanol, we had huge errors, and when we were going to run the experiment again my friend from another class came in and told me that it was suppose to get messed up so we didn't need to do another experiment. I was done with the lab an hour early which gave me just enough time to go and eat lunch before i went skiing. 

I went to lunch with my friend that helped me out with the lab Preston. We went to the Langford dining hall because that was the one that was closest to our current location. When we went in there the whole dining hall was pretty empty so there was plenty of room to hang our backpacks on hooks. My friend went to he bathroom while i once again hand scanned into the dining hall. Upon entering the dining hall this time I knew exactly what i wanted, a double cheese burger with bacon. I went over to the grill lady and asked her as nicely as i possible could if i could have one, and guess what? She said yes. As soon as she finished making it i saw the special was mushroom swiss which disappointed me so much because i love shroom swiss burgers. I got my food a cup of chocolate milk and then sat down, Preston didn't like where i sat so then we moved. During lunch we had some interesting conversation about religion. It started because I said we should make a movie about the rapture and then have god get killed by humans hitting him with a nuke. I said this would prove that we have once and for all become our own masters. This really offended Preston i knew it would, thats why i said it, so for the rest of lunch i definitely had the most thought provoking conversation of my day. Although this conversation like this blog could go on forever it eventually had to end, I had to get up skiing so I could go up skiing and meet my other friend Travis with his car.

I went back to the dorms get all of my ski stuff on. Really this was super easy because i had left it in a pile from the last time that I went skiing. Miraculously nothing even had molded, that the problem with leaving wet ski stuff in a pile. After i began to head for the car. I got into the elevator someone else was in there a very normal conversation happened. 

Stranger: Bridger?

Me: Yes

Both of us: kind of stared at the ground waiting to get of the elevator.

So the ride finally ended as these thing seem to do, and I began my trek to the car.

 It was on the other side of the Roskie parking lots, as soon as i saw it my heart sunk a little, I was so boxed in I figured it would take at least twenty attempts to get it unstuck. I got to the car put my ski stuff in there, the boots i accidentally threw to hard and got into the backseat, it didn't matter i was driving alone. I got into the drivers seat and began to work my way out of the tight situation I was in, eventually i escaped with only mild dents on all three cars. I began to drive the music was playing and it was terrible i guess some girl gave him this mix-tape and it was some of the worst Brittany Spears pop genre music I have ever heard but thats all there was in the car so i had to live with it. I drove down 11th until I hit Babcock and drove Babcock to Rouse. I took Rouse to the highway between here and Bridger. During this time period i don't even really think that i thank about anything. I made sure not to look at the whale though because that is terrible luck, and no one needs bad luck skiing it doesn't matter how good you are. I made it to Bridger in one piece, passing one car along the way the roads weren't icy but when i got up there a huge disesion arose where to park. I went big and got a spot right in the front row, man I felt lucky. Not looking at the whale payed off. I put one all of my ski stuff for some reason i became extra dirty grabbing my skis off the top of the car but that didn't really matter. I walked to the lodge and met with Travis, I knew my day was going to get exciting.

When i saw Travis for the first time today we was eating a corn-dog which he announced was the only food that was worth eating while on the mountain. We told me his story of the morning which was actually really interesting, but I will not tell it here because that is his story and this is mine, afterward we both decided that we were more then ready to ski. We decided to go over to Slushmans lift first because thats were the skiing had been the best all morning. We rode one chairlift then another and we ended up seeing Isaac, a pleasent surprise. We skied over to Slushmans and then skied one run with him. During the run we decided to do some Hollywood cliffs (right under the chair. First Isaac went and landed, then Travis and he stomped it, then me I just happened to land where one of my other friends had bombed out and hit the ground and exploded i guess i did a pretty good tomahawk down the run for a bit. The rest of the day of skiing was a blast we did lost of singing lots of jumping but mostly just lots of messing around, I would tell every detail of the ski day but it would take at least this much or more space and i just have run out of the energy to do that. After we went skiing we went to the bars and got a pitcher. The reason i say this is not to try and drive attention to myself we just would have never did what we did next without its slight influance over us. 

On the way down from the ski hill some how me and Travis came to the decision that he needed cat. We talked about how awesome it would be if he had one that could jump really high and that we could make back flip and that we could generally just play with. I mean even though it is a living animal it is essentially a toy. So after talking it over and deciding that he needed a cat really badly, we decide to go the humane society and adopt one. This was a bout a twenty minute detour and when we got there we weren't allowed to adopt one, I mean tons of them where cute and definitely if we had the opportunity we would have gotten one then and there, but the lady wouldn't give one to us. I don't if it was because we were wearing ski gear or the fact that Travis was hiccuping the entire time that we where talking to the lady. So defeated I was driven back to the dorms with little conversation. (the damn cd was playing the whole time).

When I got back to the dorms I left all of my ski stuff in Travis's car because I really always ski with him. I took the elevator up stairs, striped off y outer wear and then began to write this blog. I have been writing this blog for the last hour and fifteen minutes in that time i have gotten up to get water one and now I am some how in my boxer i don't really know how that happened. Thats the only part of the day that i really forget, is while i was writing this. I know that the day is not over and i have some more of ground hogs day to live but i really can't devote anymore of my meager existence to this blog. Today was not a great day it was not bad but it was one less day that i have to live. I really this entire blog is read by someone because it did take me a long time to write it. I could have put in more detail i remember it i just don't have the devotion to give this task its true justice.

You really are the Love of my Life!

Eavesdropping is something that I have found to be extremely hit or miss. Sometimes you get the average conversation about how ones day is going, but on some other more lucky occasions i will walk into an extra juicy conversation. These can be about anything from how terrible lunch was today, to oops! I'm pregnant. My personal favorite of these are always about the opposite sex though. The reason that these are so appealing to me is because it seems as though they always follow one of the same basic formulas. They are always either that boy/girl is hot, I love them (significant other) so much, or my boyfriend/girlfriend is the biggest asshole/bitch in the world. This is a really interesting phenomenon to me, the more i tune into it the more i realize the truth of this statement. (Although I could just have a preconceived notion that is effects what I hear and what is really being said.) It is weird though because something like a relationship is such a personal experience, yet we all end up talking about them the same way. Even in works of literature a relationship can be captured and we all know how to relate with the character based on which one of the situations the character is going through. Connie is "Oh my god that guys is hot". After listening to these conversations and writing my blog I just really wonder do we think this way because so many outside influences (literature) tell us to think this way, or are the outside influences effected by the way that we think.